This may not be considered “real” season two. Since ABC Family is ABC Family, they do things like split a program’s season in two halves with a summer premiere and a winter premiere. That makes the newest episode feel like a real, genuine season premiere! Good job, ABC Family marketing! This premiere was like seeing old friends I have not seen in a while. Hey, it’s the inappropriate educator! And the guy who is the legacy of Seth Cohen! Also, the gang! And A. I am athirst for this premiere and its secrets!
To recap: Hanna claimed knowledge of A’s identity. While hurrying to tell her friends, she was hit by a car driven by A. Whoops. I’m not saying “I told you so,” I am just saying “Next time, text the identity before you run off to get vehicularly manslaughtered.” Now that she is in the hospital, Hanna’ probably amnesic and can’t tell who A is.
What’s that, Hanna? A is Noel? Are you sure? Is there a creepy picture of him lurking by your crime scene?
That works. Noel is A. Finkel is Einhorn! I am glad this is cleared up. I guess we can take him to jail! Wellllll… we just know that Noel wrote a message on the car in which Aria and Mr. Fitz were talking and by talking I mean making out. So, there is no real proof, just SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCE. Case dismissed. Mistrial! Matlock!
With Hanna in the hospital, it is up to the rest of the gang to stay alert for more A clues. Aria and Spencer search for a the tree with a carving connecting Alison to Spencer’s sister’s boyfriend, Ian (who was once turned into a leprechaun). Surprisingly, this mighty oak has been cut down. They blame A. I blame increasingly aggressive domestic lumber interests. Don’t let what happened to Fern Gully happen to America! Later, we see A burning the tree in a fireplace, because cutting down, logging, and burning a whole tree is something that can be accomplished single-handedly.
Emily has her own battles this week. They include defending Toby’s legacy and coming out to her parents. Both prove extremely difficult. Everyone hates Toby! Emily’s mom hates gay! Emily’s dad is more understanding, but man, Emily’s mom is terrible.
The cat is out of the bag regarding Ezra and Aria. Aria, as always, is cavalier about the whole thing. She starts calling him Ezra to her friends, who are all
but Aria maintains that she can say that because she has had her hand in Ezra’s jeans and his hand has been likewise in hers. I am beginning to think that when Spencer (whose romantic history has been based on choosing people to piss off her mother/ sister) thinks your romantic choices are poor choices, you need to reevaluate things. Speaking of Spencer’s sister, she is married to Ian now. Eloping!
Hanna keeps busy in the hospital. Her mother says they have no more money troubles. The bank has finally come to its senses since putting Hanna’s mom’s ideas into practice (She saves them bundles!). No more being poor! Cool discovery!
Mona also visits and gives Hanna a cool hospital makeover!
So glad they are biffles again.
Lucas also visits a bunch. Sometimes skipping school to do so, sometimes committing felonies.
Have fun editing Jail Yearbook!
Lucas brings Hanna pudding and idles away the days. That is, until, Hanna and Lucas discuss her maybe-fever-dream, maybe-Lucas-crime sneak-and-kiss because then THINGS GET REAL. Let’s just say they have a talk that involves one of them getting ZONED. FRIEND-ZONED.
It was tough to watch but that is a conversation that HAPPENS at times. Amirite, ladies? 😉
During another fever-dream that really seems like a dream so it’s probably real, Alison visits Hanna and reveals she is not A. She is also still alive. Are we to take it as truth? This show is carrying the torch left on the beach by Lost.
The girls reconvene in Hanna’s room to discover A has left a message on Hanna’s leg cast. Bright side is that A didn’t murder her. Small blessings!
NEXT WEEK: According to this preview, someone goes off a cliff. Also, Hanna is out of a cast. She heals quickly!