Gossip Girl: Bye Serena’s Kidneys!

You guys, I think Serena lost her kidneys.

So, Serena was out partying and then Juliet drugged her. That is where we begin. Since that drugging, Serena’s friends and family have assumed Serena is the other group. They have also summarily dismissed her as a bad person for her recent behavior. Personally, I wish I could cheer on their newfound being-tired-of-Serena’s-shit, but this shit is not Serena’s! It is Juliet’s shit!

Blair brings a pie to the Van Der Humphrey Thanksgiving. Blair mentions she thought Serena was at her parent’s place and Lily mentions she thought Serena was at Blair’s place. Everyone mentions uh-oh. Where is Serena?

Serena wakes up in a Queens motel, drugged, confused, in pain, kidneyless. She is able to grab the phone and call for help.

The authorities trace her call and find her. Since she is super messed up, she goes to the hospital. That seems like a pretty safe thing to do. Serena will later get mad at her mother for not calling the police instead. Sorry Serena, but if it looks like a drug bender and it smells like a drug bender, it is probably your weekend. In Serena’s defense, she did not go on a bender of her own volition. In everyone else’s defense, Serena used to do this sort of thing a lot. At one point, Serena is admitted into a rehab/ counseling center involuntarily. That upsets her very much!

IN OTHER NEWS, Nate’s mom wants to divorce his dad. Nate convinces his mom not to because his dad has changed. Nate also finds out that his dad will be paroled soon. WAY TO TELL THAT TO YOUR SON, REGULARFATHER. Grandfather would be so upset with this family’s lack of communication.

Jenny Humphrey and Vanessa find out that Serena is in the hospital. Jenny feels guilty and goes to check on Serena/ drop some truth. Vanessa feels guilty and is convinced by Juliet to go before Jenny and blame it all on her raccoon face. It works marvelously. Everyone hates Jenny!

Serena and Lily argue with each other. If Serena and Lily argued in the forest and no one was around to here it, would they still be awful? Yes.

Dan Humphrey, still convinced he can get his d wet with Serena, breaks Serena out of the rehab center. IN OTHER NEWS, Nate is done with this Serena shit.

Serena and Dan! Fugitives! On the run! First, they stop at Dan’s apartment, the first place anyone looking for them would look first. Soon, Blair, Lily, and Rufus show up. Great fugitiving guys!

Juliet continues her plans by releasing a fake picture of Serena snorting cocaine. Serena, still not remembering, figures that her bender must be true. Off to rehab! She kisses Dan and thanks him for believing in her even when she did not remember the past two weeks of her life.

Juliet visits her brother. Her brother was hellbent on ending Serena, but finds Juliet’s methods unsavory. He is shocked that she is crazy. Well, you come at the Serena, you best not miss. Juliet continues extorting money from Lily and escapes into the night.

Jenny reveals Juliet’s plan to Blair and also vows to go off into the night (you guys, there is trouble with Taylor Momsen on the show!). Blair wants sweet revenge on Juliet. But who will help her in her quest?

NEXT WEEK:  Kill Juliet Vol. 1 directed by Quentin Tarantino

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