Pretty Little Liars. . . This Is Your Brain On UGHS.

And we’re here again. Did someone die on the last episode? No. Toby drives Emily to the hospital. How thoughtful of him! He probably did it because he’s an incestor and a murderer and the girls have proof! Sort of. I dunno. Again, here we go, into the void.

Someone does die, though. I am sorry if I understated that.

Most of the episode concerns the fallout from the homecoming dance. Emily had to go to the hospital because Toby “attacked” her. In Toby’s defense, all he really did was try to tell Emily about his incestuous relationship while some tense music played in the background. Emily ran and eventually fell through a floor (?) so Toby took her to the hospital. So, Toby didn’t attack her, but it does open up things for the police. Paging Detective Sweet Balls? I wish! So does Hanna’s mom, for the romance reasons. Also, the sex reasons.

Ezra Koenig Fitz wises up and decides to leave town and get another job. This is supposed to be sad but I support Mr. Fitz in making the right decision here. Good Job, Woody Allen! Enjoy your not-fucking-high-school-girls. Although, the new job he is hinted at getting is at a day school, which sounds like it means younger children, which means the spin-off to Pretty Little Liars featuring Mr. Fitz will be called Mr. Fitz Goes To Jail and it will be on Starz, after Spartacus: Blood & Sand.

Aria’s parents are taking their separation as well as you would guess a family that raises a child with no conception of moral or societal appropriate bounds would take a separation. Her brother gets into fights.

Hanna and Sean more like LOVE ON THE ROCKS. It’s becoming increasingly clear that Sean’s unwillingness to engage Hanna sexually is killing the relationship. Hanna and Sean seem to be moving on as Sean sends Aria flowers.

“These flowers are not at all inappropriate.” – Aria.

Hanna gets cozy with yearbook Nerd, Lucas. He wants it. She wants it. Allison used to call Lucas a hermaphrodite. Sorry, Hanna’s desire to fuck, but I think Lucas is the murderer on this show. Actually, I have no idea who the murderer is. See, I was reading the Wikipedia article on the book series where things get SO ridiculous. And the A turns out to be Allison’s secret twin and then Allison herself? Whatever, this show. You better Lost it up and quick! Get some totemic things, some Judeo-Christian things, and some math references and you’ll be fine. They already have the requisite literary references.

Spencer spends most of the episode patching things up with Alex. They hit a rough spot when Alex thinks that Spencer is using him. They hit another rough spot when Spencer finds she is included on the county club employees burn board. Spencer and Alex do hit a SEXY spot when they do the forbidden dance (the lambada) in the country club kitchen. It was hot with a capital ! and all, but I couldn’t watch their scene without thinking of this,

But really, they DANCE. Like this,

After Toby leaves Emily at the hospital, he leaves town on a motorcycle. Later, he dies. In between, Emily realizes that she is more interested in Maya. She also realizes this, coupled with her date with Toby, will really FREAK HER PARENTS OUT. They are so strict! This will destroy their perfect world! Drama in her house!

During Emily’s rest (and before Toby dies), Jenna visits her and tells her not to do anything to the psychiatric file on Toby in possession of our heroines and Jenna knows they have and doesn’t really question why they have. Of course, Aria does this.

Good move, Aria. Those files will never come back. . .

Tough breaks. This guy gets it.

One more of these to catch up. Hooray!

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