Pretty Little Liars. . .It’s Like That Van Halen Song

This week on Pretty Little Liars, the girls took matters into their OWN HANDS concerning their harassment from an unknown entity so far only known as “A.” Did they go to the police? Tell a parent or sexy teacher about their troubles? Form an angry mob and march on A’s hideout? No, they actually just blocked all electronic messages (texts, e-mails, IM’s) from A. That’s good! It will help them from feeling terrorized all the time. But what if A has an important message like “Heads up, girls. I’m about to murder you, FYI.” Is it better to know that your unseen aggressor is going to make an attempt on your life? These are the tough questions that Pretty Little Liars asks.

Lots of the episode follows up on things that happened last week, whether those things be kissing girls in a photo booth or crashing a boy’s car because he wasn’t ready for sexual intercourse. Speaking of which, if you ask Hanna, she didn’t *total* Sean’s car. It can be fixed, alright, just chillax out. Speaking of Hanna, her dad comes back! Awwwww. However, he hasn’t been back since he walked out on Hanna and her cop-loving mother. With that explanation, he seems like a deadbeat, but he drives a very nice car. Hanna is excited to see him because she lost a significant amount of weight since she last saw her father. Since fathers only care for their daughters if they are physically attractive,  maybe they can finally reach a true connection and her father will never leave and they can be a family again.

Aria’s friends see Mr. Fitz on a bike and really want to do his legs. This makes Aria embarrassed. Mr. Fitz gets that so he decides to invite her over so they can discuss their relationship. I am sorry, maybe I missed out on this in high school, but between this show and season 2 of Gossip Girl, has their been an influx of young high school English teachers who are willing to compromise not only their careers but also their LIVES to get some touch from dark-haired literary juniors? This seems like a trend.

Aria goes to Mr. Fitz’s apartment which has this

Classic typewriter for a classic guy!

Eventually, Mr. Fitz decides to get Aria WARMED UP by talking about her father’s infidelity. While he posits that maybe Aria’s parents have come to an understanding about the affair (since the world is a complex place that may even confuse high school students who just finished To Kill A Mockingbird), Aria does not buy that. She gives Mr. Fitz a lot of upset face. Then she walks out. I guess Mr. Fitz will invite Jill over for the dinner he prepared. Jill is his hand, if you get my drift and my drift is eww.

Spencer’s freaking out because she might get caught for plagiarizing a paper. Boo fucking hoo, Spencer. You are probably the mysterious A.

Emily is grappling with her feelings for Maya and her weirdsies about Toby Cavanaugh. Romantically, Emily appears to have a lot on her plate. Unless, the thing between her and Toby is not romantic, and my reading of it as romantic just highlights the patriarchal ideal of romantic relationships in tween drama/ mystery television shows. In that case, kudos to you, Pretty Little Liars.

Mr. Fitz and Aria argue vigorously (hot) over To Kill A Mockingbird. Then, Mr. Fitz LOSES HIS SHOT (double hot) over another student’s interpretation of the book. Ugh captain, my captain over here.

Hanna finds out that her father is in town to break the news that Hanna is going to have a new mommy. Also, a new sister! Who is into sailing and kind of awkward! Yay family!

Dr. Cool Accent drunkenly breaks into Spencer’s house. It’s okay because he’s English and he brings a plant. It’s also okay because he’s got an itch and the only balm for it is Spencer. It’s a tender moment, except that someone (probably A) is watching them through the window. So I guess Spencer isn’t A. OR MAYBE THAT’S WHAT SHE WANTS US TO THINK. Spencer also continues using appropriate similes, like comparing her relationship with her sister to the relationship between the Koreas.

Emily and Toby have a conversation in the night hours. It’s pretty motivational stuff about being who you are. Good balance, this show!

Aria goes to confront Mr. Fitz about being a horrible teacher. Somehow, they end up giggling and eating leftovers. Smooth, Mr. Fitz. Santana/ Rob Thomas Smooth. Not smooth enough to get her to stay for the night. Maybe next time!

Spencer drives Dr. Cool Accent to his motel. He does one better than Mr. Fitz and swoops in for a goodnight tongue bath. Unfortunately, Hanna is waiting to pick up Spencer. These kids need to do a better job carpooling. While waiting in the car, A Delilahs a song to Hanna. Now that is Rob Thomas Smooth.

Emily tells Maya she needs some space. You’d think their forbidden relationship would be more salacious. ABC Family always throws me for a loop.

Aria’s mom gets a typewritten letter from A about Chad Lowe’s infidelity. MR. FITZ HAS A TYPEWRITER! Aria’s mom is not charmed by these events (get it, because her mom is Holly Marie Combs, former star of Charmed!).

Spencer and Hanna return to Spencer’s house to find that someone has been there. They make this face

Those faces make sense given the situation. Spencer texts Emily and Aria “S.O.S.” (Aria still has a Kin, LOL). Everyone comes over and we see a message in lipstick on  mirror saying “It Won’t Be That Easy, Bitches.”  I bet they totally don’t call Detective Sweet Balls about this.

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2 thoughts on “Pretty Little Liars. . .It’s Like That Van Halen Song

  1. […] Pretty Little Liars. . .It's Like That Van Halen Song … […]

  2. […] Pretty Little Liars. . .It's Like That Van Halen Song … […]

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