The first episode of Pretty Little Liars posed a lot of questions. Unlike most television shows, this one decided to answer some of these questions in the latest episode. Do we find out who the blind girl is and what made her blind? Do we discover who sent the mysterious text messages? Do we learn the first name of Mr. Fitz, that is a totally traditional and normal combination of names? Do we meet more characters?
Yes. Yes to all these questions. And more!
So, the girls are all gathering after Allie’s funeral to discuss the nightmare situation of an unknown assailant harassing them while pretending to be their (probably not very) dead friend. They gather at a restaurant that seems too hip for small-town Pennsylvania, but what do I know. Red states are now blue states. Blue states are bistros. Whatever.
The girls are eating, discussing, and drinking from flasks, when OUT OF NOWHERE, the blind girl from the end of the first episode just shows up. An unaccompanied blind girl suddenly enters a restaurant where four girls with whom she shares a troubled past are currently eating. This is a totally normal coincidence. Almost reassuringly normal to how not weird it is. The girls hurry out of the restaurant quickly, less they be detected by Jenna’s super blind powers.
Why are the girls so tense around Jenna? Well, one day during a particularly barely legal slumber party, Allie said she saw a pervert outside her window. This pervert had a history of doing pervy things like spying, so Allie decided to go find him in his perv garage and set off a stink bomb. Allie brings a bomb that more resembled a small grade explosive. Therefore, this happens to the garage
Bye pervert! Except, there was no pervert in the garage. Jenna was the only person in the garage. The explosion blinded her. I think? It’s not explicit. It’s subtle. This is ABC Family after all.
The whole crime thing makes it very awkward when Jenna joins the not dead girls for lunch.
But the apex of the awkward-ness comes when Spencer catches Jenna sending evil texts. Well, due to subtlety, we are left to assume. The evidence is pretty damning for Jenna. She was voice-texting but she’s blind! What else could she be doing? It should be noted that when Spencer catches Jenna texting (or sexting,we don’t know) Jenna turns her head to look at Spencer, so even her blindness is in question.
For the other parts of the episode, we get an expanded look at the girls’ love lives and personal dilemmas.
For example, did you guys know Hanna used to weigh more? So, she could only wear pajamas and sweatsuits and not participate in slumber fashion shows. She is totally hot now. This hotness makes her want to escalate her physical relationship with her long-time friend, Sean. Sean does not seem to be her boyfriend, but they do enjoy kissing each other while studying. Hanna definitely wants it (and by it, I mean a responsible and reasoned teenaged sexual relationship) but Sean wants to wait. Why? His dad’s a preacher. Again, I am connecting some dots here. This show is almost too subtle.
Hanna’s mom is also continuing her relationship with Detective Sweet Balls (cool nickname, right?). While not detecting Alison’s murder or interrogating our heroines, the detective hangs out with Hanna’s mom. She makes him breakfast. He knowingly smirks. Later, he degrades the mother in front of Hanna in an effort to get information. This is the kind of stuff that REAL COPS have to do.
We meet Emily’s boyfriend, who defied all my expectations. Here he is
He has kind of a lacrosse-player’s body, but not American lacrosse. He is a big fan of PDA and suggesting that his girlfriend engaged in a sapphic love affair during a sleepover. Not in this episode, boyfriend, but it’s coming. Foreshadowing 101, Professor Maroon Shirt.
Emily continues her friendship with Maya that seems to be moving to the MORE-THAN-FRIENDS ZONE. I was most excited when I realized Maya used to play KENDRA on BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
In future episodes, the girls will fight David Boreanez and Nathan Fillion.
Spencer continues having the third most inappropriate relationship on this show. Her sister’s fiance, Dr. Cool Accent, plays with fire and is about to get burned, Jenna-style. The flirting and back-rubs between Spencer and Dr. Cool Accent get a little too intense. First, during dinner, Spencer gets drunk and makes this face
Very normal, seductive face there. It proves to be seductive enough to get Dr. Cool Accent and Spencer to make out. Unbeknownst to them, Spencer’s sister sees them. She does not ❤ betrayal.
Chad Lowe cuts off the second most inappropriate relationship on this show by calling it off with his mistress. Good willpower there.
Aria and Mr. Ezra Fitz (basic American name) do not call off the most inappropriate relationship in the show. First, Aria wants to transfer out of his Dead Poets’ Society-esque English class to avoid anything weird. However, her request is denied. The administration can’t deny tru luv! Next, Aria and Ezra find themselves at a movie with Aria’s mom (from Charmed ). The lovebirds keep visibly shaking at the prospect of sitting next to each other. Lastly, when Aria gets caught in the rain, Mr. Fitz picks her up. Hot and heavy making out ensues. Good, clean, old-fashioned American teacher romantically involved with a child.
NEXT WEEK: Is Jenna really the cell-phone stalker? Will Spencer get got? How will Detective Sweet Balls abuse his station next week? All this, and more, on Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars!