Did you guys know that the final episode of Lost airs THIS upcoming Sunday? I thought they would let us dangle for a little bit. Maybe chew on some scrumptuous cliffhangers for a week or two? Gnaw at some Grade A Prime Lost nuggets?
Nope! This Sunday. It’s, About, To Go, Down!
But before that, Lost has to fit basically two episodes-worth of excitement into one episode to make sure everyone is cool with everything. Did it happen? Who knows! Did we find Desmond? Did we find Ben? Will we ever know about the Dharma Food Drop? HERE IS WHAT WE KNOW NOW!
1). Wounds travel very well through dimensions, especially if they are on Jack.
What else travels well is the Shepherd family way of demeaning your son!
Jack will get all weird when his ex-wife shows up next week because his ex-wife is Hurley. Also, Jack and Claire’s relationship in the Alternaverse could be mistaken for dating. I’m not saying. I’m just saying.
2). AlternaDesmond is SO good at doing voices!
Classic everyday skills!
3). Kate is hurting, but not dead.
“It’s gonna hurt a bit.” IF YOU ONLY KNEW, JACK.
Was Kate reprimanding dead Sun and dead Jin for not staying alive for their child? Or was she genuinely upset about the state of things? Sometimes, you cannot tell with her.
“We have to kill him, Jack.” Geez, Kate, always straight to the killing? The U.S. Marshall and the jury of your peers were correct about your unhinged nature.
4). I guess Kate has made her choice and her choice is Sawyer’s shoulder.
5). Children in the Alternaverse are very polite to their substitute health teachers.
I am not sure of Desmond’s plan in that universe, but his methodology intrigues me. “STEP ONE: Run over guy in wheelchair. STEP TWO: Lurk. STEP THREE: Beat up a teacher.”
6). Oh, hey Ben, Miles, and Ricardus! What have you guys been up to?
For a second, I thought that their merry group was in the past due to their looking for explosives to blow up the plane. Then, I realized they are just way behind everyone else on the island. Get your stuff together, guys! Act like Red Jaguars instead of Purple Parrots!
7). Even though Lost is winding down, you can still count on quality back alley deals during the show.
Widmore! Reaching out to Ben! Ben! Readhing out to Edward? What kind of crazy stuff is this!?
8). AlternaSawyer is really hung up on Charlotte from that one date they had.
The way they are pushing this, I have a feeling that Charlotte will be Jack’s AlternEx-Wife.
9). Regular Sawyer feels guilty about the deaths of Sun, Jin, and Sayid. He feels really guilty about Lapidus.
I am glad that Sawyer and Jack are back on the same page. For so long, this show was built on myriad conflicts. Jack vs. Sawyer, Jack vs. Locke, Jack vs. Nikki & Paolo. At this point, bros have to let bygones be bygones as they get PUMPED for the final showdown with The Body Formerly Known as John Locke.
10). Apparently, Jack was wrong.
I think Jack wasn’t technically wrong. Flocke Smock didn’t actually SET those bombs, right? He just moved the bombs. Loopholes, thy name is this show!
11). Everyone can see big Jacob now!
But young Jacob is still around? Is Jacob going to dance on the giant keyboard at FAO Schwartz next?
12). Jacob got a haircut?
I think Jacob got a haircut. He also got great dialogue that SUBTLY hints at the show’s impending end.
Jacob is going go good byes forever soon.
13). Miles is too paranormal for this shit!
I think he is going to show up in the finale with either an army of dead Lost characters or a very alive Eko, Faraday, and Lapidus. Either way, asses will be kicked. Names taken.
14). Ricardus got straight clobbered.
15). There should be a running tally of times Ben goes into apparent shock in the face of undesirable circumstances.
I am grateful for Ben, as I never know what to expect of him. Will he redeem himself? Will he sell everyone out?
I expect Ben to become the new Jacob.
16). In the jam packed final two episodes, I would feel more comfortable if we could stop by and check in on Rousseau and Ben’s weird Alternaship with his daughter.
17). Ms. Norbury got put in The Body Formerly Known as Locke’s burn book!
Which means he sliced her throat. Cold-blooded stuff.
18). Always with the threatening daughter stuff, this show!
Penny! Alex! Eyes for eyes! Daughters for daughters.
Very good whisper hide, Lost. Gotta keep the mystery up for the final episode.
19). Ben always surprises me.
Surprises to the tune of
Jaws. Dropping just like Widmore’s lifeless body.
20). “Gather around the fire. Papa Jacob is going to tell you some ANSWERS.”
Round-up of answers!
-Kate is no longer a candidate because she is a “mother” aka thief. The job is hers if she would like it though. Just chalk in a cave! Classic Jacob
(Sidebar: remember when the Others would just MURDER everyone? And then they stopped and the tables were turned since the Oceanic people would MURDER anyone? Jacob should have probably stopped that. Or at least just made a gentle suggestion. I know he likes giving people a choice, but there are a lot of dead people because of him.)
– Jacob made a mistake and that mistake is the smoke monster.
– Jacob brought them there to be candidates. They are candidates because their lives are awful. They were alone. The Island and the candidates are like Renee Zellwegger and Jerry Maguire in the movie Jerry Maguire.
– Job Requirements: Keep the light on. Kill the monster.
There is a light and it never goes out!
21). AlternaLocke is FEELING IT and he wants to walk again.
He wants to DANCE again. His once guilty feet have regained their rhythm.
22). After seconds of deliberation, Jack decides to take the job.
In typical Jack fashion, he asks the specifics after he drinks the contractually binding water. “How long am I going to have to do this job?” HOW ABOUT FOREVER?
23). AlterKate is brazen in her trying to get out of jail.
I guess you can take the Island out of the Kate, but you can’t take the Kate out of UGH.
24). Desmond Hume is Danny Ocean.
I can’t wait for the gang to bust into the museum party and infiltrate Charles Widmore’s vault! Daniel Faraday is the science guy of the team! Hurley is the jokester! Sayid is the torture artist, of course. Just like Ocean’s 11!
25). Regular Desmond is out of the well!
Just like Locke had planned?
Apparently, this works well for Locke. Desmond’s status as a Failsafe will let the Smoke Monster destroy the Island. This show understands physics more than anyone else ever will.
QUESTIONS WE STILL HAVE:
-Why can everyone see Jacob know?
-Will we ever learn about any Dharma stuff again? Or Others stuff? Or is it just mysteries concerning Jacob/Locke stuff from here on out?
-How many hours of the two-and-a-half hour finale will be dedicated to Shannon and Boone?
-Who is Jack’s son’s mother?
BONUS: Teresa’s Thoughts of the Week:
(as Jacob) “You were all flawed. . . Especially you, Kate. I crossed your name off because you’re awful.”
“When Ben gets scared I get SO SCARED.”
DOUBLE BONUS: Javaman’s walkie talkie report from the jungle with Miles:
NEXT WEEK: If you tune in next week, Dancing With the Stars will be on. Tune in Sunday! Everything will be answered. I promise! (I make no promises)