LOST: WHAT WE KNOW NOW!12

The buzz around the internet (online bees!) makes it sound like not much happened on this week’s installment of Lost. I disagree, respectfully, of course. This may have been the most necessary episode of Lost ever (so necessary!). Everyone comes back together, lines are drawn, choices made, and mythic creatures who look like Terry O’Quinn are deceived.

The episode was titled “The Last Recruit.” I’m not sure who is that recruit, but I have some ideas. Also, could this episode be the best Lost ever? HERE IS WHAT WE KNOW NOW AND AN ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION!

1. No, it is not the best episode of Lost ever.

In fact, it is an episode that stands slightly taller than people let it stand. Misdirection!

2. The gang’s all back together!

Except Jin. And Desmond. And Eko, Ana Lucia, Libby, Boone, Shannon, Michael, Walt, the dashing boat captain, Rousseau, Sayid’s Zombieless Soul, Nikki, Ilana, Paolo, Rose, and Bernard. I have a loose understanding of the word “gang.”

3. Edward Smocke impersonated Jack’s dad early on the Island.

To help him find water, of course. So, The Smoke Monster is really just a divining rod.

Was that the only time that Smocke impersonated Christian? Probably not but this show doesn’t want to spell everything for us.

4. In the alternaverse, John Locke is surprisingly responsive after his RUN IN with Desmond.

We should also recognize Benjamin Linus for his cool head under these circumstances. Always with the optimism, Teacher Ben!

5. All the cool kids are hanging out at the hospital!

Party in the U.S. of A!

I think this means Ethan is going to show up again. Also, Jack has to be at the hospital, right?

WRONG. He is spending quality time with his son from his mysterious marriage to his mysterious ex-wife.

6. Hurley and Sawyer need to find a better place to secretly communicate.

SAWYER: “Now, listen here, Chuckles, I have a super secret plan that only a few people can know about. . .”

CLAIRE: “HEY GUYS! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DO YOU LIKE MY HAIR? I HAVE A SQUIRREL BABY.”

SAWYER: “HOLY CREPES! I mean, hi Claire, We are discussing nothing.”

HURLEY: “Actually. . .”

SAWYER: “Keep your stupid comments in your pocket, Hugo!”

7. Before heading to the station, AlterKate and AlternaSawyer had to stop at the Wilson’s Leather Outlet to get matching jackets.

I didn’t know the Wolverine convention was in town. You’re with me, Lost-er.

8. There is no perfect crime for AlternaSayid.

“And I would have gotten away with it, too! If it wasn’t for you pesky ATM cameras!”

9.  Admittedly, there seemed to be a bunch of standing around for a while until Ms. Norbury came over and Smocke told Sayid to go execute Desmond. Smocke also smashed a telephone.

10. AltenaDesmond sees AlternaClaire and decides to be really fucking creepy about their encounter.

I really did not know what was going on there until Desmond delivered the package (Claire) and Claire felt (found her brother) it (even that sounds creepy). But first,

But I thought you were exploded?!

In this reality, Ilana has a straightening iron.

11. People on this Island draw great maps.

To scale, of course.

12. That Well seemed a lot deeper last week.

I bet Zombie Sayid didn’t murder Desmond. I think he’s getting his soul back along with his ability to lie to Smocke about executing Desmond. We are still not sure if Less Zombie Sayid means Shannon or Nadia when he talks lovingly about his past, though.

13. Nothing beats solid Police Work.

Give that hose a badge.

14. Sun’s inability to talk has become comic relief.

“What’s a matter, Sun? Cat got your tongue? Oh, I have your tongue? What’s that? I can’t hear you not speaking. Also, I can turn into smoke.” -Edward Smocke.

15. Get ready for nightmares!

15. The entire nation wept at the events on the boat dock.

Lots of people I know on various personal levels joined together in crying “SHOOT KATE, CLAIRE.” before Claire eventually joined the boat. They were united in their disdain for Kate Austin (READ: Kate Awful).

Claire could have been our hero.

16. AlternaJack and AlternaClaire are Alternaware of their siblinghood.

It is a tender moment until Jack has to leave for WORK. You can’t press the pause button on life, Dr. Jack!

17. Jack and Sawyer really seemed to be coming from opposite ends of the spectrum, like they were two ancient battling forces.

Like Edward and Jacob? Will they be the next keepers?

We may never know.

18. Way to finally choose between Jack and Sawyer at a totally appropriate time, Kate. . . NOT!

Claire should have done it at the docks.

19. Sun and Jin at least get a tender moment in the Alternaverse.

And it looks like SOMEONE WILL BE GETTING THAT COMPLIMENTARY SPINAL SURGERY AFTER ALL!

20. The Sun/Jin Beach Reunion Was Scary.

Don’t get me wrong. I was super happy when those two finally got back together. However, when there is an image like this

I get really scared that the happy couple will have their brains turned into sonic goo by the sonic barrier.

Thankfully, we get only happy things as

Before that though, I was yelling at the TV to not kill Sun & Jin.

21. What an EXPLOSIVE ending!

And then Smocke went to save Jack. Is Jack THE LAST RECRUIT?

Probably.

QUESTIONS WE STILL HAVE:

-Why the change in heart, Jack?

-Why the change in heart, Widmore?

-Is Sayid’s heart changing?

-Where did Ben, Ricardus, and Miles go?

-Is Ethan working in the Alternahospital during Locke’s surgery?

-How not dead is Desmond?

-Why didn’t Widmore’s group have more intimidating air strikes?

-Did Jacob stop appearing to Hurley?

BONUS: Teresa’s Thoughts of the Week

“I feel like there is SO MUCH commercial time during this show.”

“Kate is annoying even when she’s just standing there.”

“Why have I never thought to Myers-Briggs Lost characters before?”

DOUBLE BONUS: Javaman’s special holiday edition. . . NOT!

NEXT WEEK: No Lost. Two weeks? Lost.

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2 thoughts on “LOST: WHAT WE KNOW NOW!12

  1. ianthecool says:

    Nice post. I just can’t understand all the Kate hate though.

  2. jvmn says:

    Sawyer’s naughty talk to Kate before boarding the boat had me ready to throw my pants at the tele

    Kate could have totally redeemed herself by getting wet with Jack

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