Well everybody, call Lost the vapor seduction artist because it is picking up steam! Things are rolling right along, especially in the  Desmond convoy. Did I mention DESMOND is back? This show was certainly missing something. Now, it is not missing things. Since DESMOND IS BACK BROTHER. Also, Scottish.

I mean, I wish I could say everything is crystal clear and we are just swimming until we reach the glorious end but that would be lying. Things are sort of murky. This murkiness seems to be leading somewhere, though Especially now that DESMOND is at the helm. HERE IS WHAT WE KNOW NOW, BRUTHA.

1. Recaps? We don’t need no stinking recaps!

By “we” I mean the beginning of the episode. Dancing with the Stars probably ran long.

2. Despite Ms. Norbury’s objections, Widmore has a schedule to keep!

I bet he didn’t schedule that ASS-WHOOPING. Desmond turned into this

for a second. Give him back his son!

3. You know that equipment is old because of its old levers and old solenoids.

Lost got STEAMPUNK’D with that equipment. With all that old electronic stuff and the interesting, complex relationship The Island has with electromagnetism, I do not possibly see a way this could end badly.

This guy, however, does.

That guy got large hadron collided. These are the breaks, minion.

4. Widmore/ Desmond were laying on the Christ figure stuff pretty thick.

On a related note, there was lots of Wolverine-esque screaming from Desmond this week.

5. Jin will not stand for this creepy experiment stuff! And that’s his line for the episode.

I do not get Charles Widmore’s explanation. By Widmore’s logic, if Desmond was hit by lightning, Widmore would keep electrocuting him for science. This guy should definitely get the keys to The Island.

6. Despite that unfortunate burning person incident, Desmond will prevail.

Because he is Magneto? I mean, I am no science-head-nerd over here but I am not sure how the science checks out for this. I never got to Advanced Physics VI: Constantology.

Oh hey, we’re back in the Alternaverse. However, it seems that’s where we WANTED to go. Drop some knowledge.

Desmond looks confused at the shift. He knows way to many people in AlternaLA right now that he didn’t know last year. “Who the fuck are y’all, brutha?” He swears that it feels like the last few nights he’s been everywhere and back but he just can’t remember it all.

This guy knows how that is

7. Let’s bump into some old buddies who have not yet started talking to dead people or going Island crazy!

Hurley! Claire! This guy?!

Whoa! Ray-Bans spent lots of dough for George’s product placement up in here. Hopefully, Desmond doesn’t get HACKERED. Calm down with the whore-offering, George.

In another Alternaverse curveball, Desmond and Widmore are BFFL’s.

8. Wouldn’t it be great if AlternaWidmore had to trust AlternaDesmond with a task that would both bring back a beloved character and further the developments about quantum physics and whatnot?

We are all everybody.

9. Timelines. . . bleeding! Things. . . confusing! Story. . . forwarding?

Ladies and gentlemen, things are getting fishy and not just because Desmond Hume and Charlie Pace are under the sea.

So, Charlie almost died and saw a vision of Claire? He saw the person he loves during a near-death experience? I feel like I may have read a movie or seen a book about that.

10. I am no master of subtext, but goddamn, there was a lot of subtext this episode.

11. Oh, hi Jack!

Apparently, CAT Scans are Desmond’s cage-fighting in that it is how he gets to see Marisa Cooper again.

12. Eloise Hawking is not a scientist in the Alternaverse but her hair has great volume.

She also seems to know what is going on.

13. Guess who’s back? Back again? Daniel’s back! Tell a friend!

Faraday ! So then I get all

due to shock. I am so happy that he returned. I am so happy science travelled dimensions with him, along with his love for Charlotte! Great convo with Desmond though. “Dammit Des, I’m a pianist not a physicist.” That is some crazy science-out-of-the-ether stuff going on in his brain. I mean,

Apparently, someone aced Advanced Physics VI.

14. Let’s have some applause for Desmond Faraday, brining the love back to Lost.

15. Desmond ❤ Penny

[See above .gif]

16. Losing his soul only added to Sayid’s baddassery.

The writers hit the assassin jackpot with that device. Now, Sayid can just pop up anywhere and inflict some old school pain on people.

17. Desmond has something up his sleeve.

So, Widmore thinks Desmond is working for him. I think Desmond is just working BECAUSE HE LOVES PENNY AND CHARLIE. I think that will conquer all. It will defeat Widmore, Jacob, Edward Smocke, Kate, and even Mikhail’s good eye.


– How will the Island-as-Cork stuff be brought in line with the Widmore Electromagnetism Alternaverse stuff?

– I know there has been talk that Mr. Eko won’t be back, but could that be a red herring? I hope it is a red herring.

– Could AlternaPenny be AlternaJack’s ex-wife? Piano playing is in her genes, she can still go out with Desmond because her and Jack are done-z0, etc. It sort of makes sense in my brain.

– What is Desmond going to do with the flight manifest?

BONUS: Teresa’s Thought of the Week

“So, what? Is this alternatime, like, the fulfillment of their deepest wish in the last life?”

I think that is a very intriguing idea. It checks out. Sayid just wanted Nadia to be happy. Sawyer just wanted to get all up ons Charlotte one time. Faraday just wanted to wear cool hats. Miles just wanted to get all up ons Sawyer’s friendship.

Seriously though, good thinking, Teresa!

DOUBLE BONUS: Javaman’s Single Entendre Concerning Lost and its future.

“I hope the Lost spinoff has Desmond in Philadelphia because I am feeling it!”

TRIPLE BONUS: A reader’s thoughts on this blog’s depiction of certain characters.

“I still don’t like you putting Sun in such a sexual way on your blog. She’s my girl and I would appreciate it if you showed her in a beautiful way.”

Noted, kind reader! I will be more respectful in the future concerning Sun.

NEXT WEEK: Ain’t no party like a Hurley party because a Hurley party don’t stop.

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