Last week’s episode of Lost was a fairytale. Jacob was the prince. Richard used to be a damsel in distress. He took him by the hand and he picked him up forever. Unfortunately, a single event has the ability to skew our perception of previous and subsequent events. While yesterday may have been a fairytale, perhaps today was less glamorous. Maybe you and this episode of Lost only went to Subway for lunch, and there were too many peppers on you sandwich, and Lost burped and didn’t excuse lostself.

There was a Clint Eastwood movie about living a life where you knew that one single, glorious moment was the best moment of your life. Can you move on and still get enjoyment out of life? Can you be fulfilled? Will Lost ever be as good again? CAN’T YOU SEE THERE IS MAGIC IN THE AIR? IT MUST HAVE BEEN WHAT WE KNOW NOW!

1). AlternaJin and AlternaSun are not married. SCANDALOUS.

2). Charles Widmore has state-of-the-art The Matrix technology.

3). Not even Edward Smocke knows which Kwon is a candidate!

He does know a bunch about first aid and how to disrupt Widmore’s fancy equipment. Man of many talents, that ancient force of evil!

4). Sayid can’t feel anything.

Apparently, the Temple’s pool turns people into Promise Ring songs. Now, here is where I get confused. Presumably, Ben was dipped into the pool when he was shot by Sayid. So, can Ben feel things? I also assumed that Sayid’s shooting of Ben was in agreement with the central timeline but the shooting may actually make things diverge from the main time and the alternatime and my head hurts so I have to sit down for a second.

5). Darts are the best way to surprise the minions of evil.

And they have such cool sound effects! It’s like the concentrated wind of medieval espionage!

6). Sun just really wants to see Jin again.

Who can blame her? It’s weird because five seasons ago, I thought that Michael and Sun would be happily married with Walt, Vincent, and two more kids, living in the suburbs with the Island deep in their memory. Lost is what happens while we are making other plans, like the adage says.

Also, tomatoes.

7). Whoa, whoa, WHOA. Is it hot in here, or is it just this episode?

Somebody call 911, Sun fire-burning on the dance floor. Oh whoa-oh!

8). That was the most exciting chase scene since The French Connection.

And then

Ouch, Sun. Hope you didn’t hurt yourself enough to lose your capacity for the spoken English language.

9). Hey, it’s a party. Everybody’s coming back!


10). Widmore’s sub is so mysterious! Give us some answers, Ms. Norbury!

Like my dad, Jin wants to talk to your manager.

11). Let’s check in with Claire!

Status update: Still crazy, still hoping to murder Kate. Why does Smocke need Kate? Because she knows where to chat with all the coolest singles!

12). Richard Alpert is back and ready to gather his troops.

But more assertively.

13). Smocke’s plan is to take the plane off The Island.

Now, I did not study aeronautics at university but I do think I have enough understanding to realize you can’t just start a crashed plane from a standstill. Unless, the plane is actually Walt.

14). Sun can’t speak English.

Classic brain mix-up!

15). Meanwhile, in the alternaverse, everyone is getting double crossed and resurrected and shot!

Unfortunately, Sun has just gotten the shot part so far!

16). Tomatoes again.

17). Speaking of tomatoes, what’s going on with that package/ super creepy Sayid?

Desmond has returned?! Way to bring back a beloved character, Lost!


Where in the world is this guy?

– Why won’t Keamy die?

– Was that really Jin’s child or did Widmore just hire a convincing child actor?

– Are we all just waiting for the Jacob/ Man in V-Neck episode to air?

BONUS: Teresa’s Thought of the Week

“This show. Getting sick of it.”

DOUBLE BONUS: Javaman’s Double Entendre concerning Lost and the existential ruts of committed life

“The Lowe’s commercial is thus far the highlight.”

NEXT WEEK: What has Desmond been up to since Ben decided to brutally shoot attack him?

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One thought on “LOST: WHAT WE KNOW NOW!9

  1. Trevor says:

    You will never let Kate live down that ad.
    Also, I too loved Mikhail finally losing his eye.
    Also, alterna-Sun getting shot in the baby just made the episode taste bad. Though it was almost canceled out by the stripping scene.

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