GUYS! FIRST! BIG NEWS! Next week, on a very special episode of Lost, we see the story of Richard Alpert. That implies answers! Hopefully! I mean, it is entirely in the realm of possibility that there are no answers in next week’s episode. That would be a mind eff of a large order.
As next week is an episode with answers, Lost decided to take things nice and slow during Sawyer’s episode. Some shocks, a few awes, a few awwwwws, and even some ahhhs! Nothing major though. However, some parts were enjoyable. HERE IS WHAT WE KNOW NOW.
1. Sawyer was not cave murdered by Locke/Smocke/Flocke/Esau/Edward.
That is a relief to me as a fan of Sawyer and nicknames. However, it would be interesting if Lost started including plot points to upset its fans and critics.
“What happened to Sawyer, dude?” (Said by Hurley as you can note from the use of ‘dude’)
“I killed him in a cave and he is definitely dead.” – Terry O’Quinn’s character.
And then the Richard Alpert episode happens and we learn that in the past, people had four toes. That is all we learn.
2. Jin had a great nap!
3. Jin knows what’s up. Sawyer ALSO knows what’s up.
Sawyer really wants to get off the Island. Makes sense since he didn’t get the vacay that the Oceanic Six got. You know who else wants to get off the Island? SMOCKE! I’m glad Jin’s always thinking about Sun. I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real.
4. AlternaSawyer is a cop and his partner is AlternaMiles. I would watch such a show, forever.
5. Sorry, Taylor Vaughan, you can’t get one like that past Sawyer in any dimension!
Great shout out to LaFleur! Universes be colliding and shit!
6. Real cops wear their badges as necklaces mostly but also as belt accessories.
7. Kate joins the seemingly evil Edward group for kicks, apparently.
“Sure, I’ll just go with you guys with no ulterior motives. OH HI SAWYER, have you been working out?”
8. Sawyer and Miles have developed a great rapport, no matter the dimension.
9. Oh, so Kate’s “plan” was to see what was up with Sawyer’s affiliation.
Sawyer, though, doesn’t need any affiliation. He’s affiliated with himself, freckles!
10. AlternaSawyer still has a vendetta against Locke’s Dad.
Though, Locke doesn’t. I almost forgot that Locke’s father was brought onto the Island and murdered by Sawyer. I have forgotten many things about this show. What’s a Dharma again? The person with Greg?
Miles also has a great relationship with his dad AND a girlfriend. Everything has a purpose.
11. “I’m the smoke thing.” should be the title of the book eventually written about Lost.
Man, Fake Locke is lying! Who cares?! Locke and his disciples use and abuse each other all the time. There’s nothing wrong with it.
12. Hydra Island is a bit of a misnomer.
It’s actually a peninsula.
13. In the Lost universe, people can just restart crashed planes to escape mystical fear islands.
Then, Sawyer and Charlotte appropriate everything they ever loved and dressed it up with quotations and fluff.
Then they fuck. Somewhere, a man makes this face
15. Sawyer’s revenge bible sort of looks like a serial killer thing.
To be fair, Charlotte did look where she should not have looked. That calls for at least a late-night dismissal while naked.
16. Sayid must have had some bad red rope licorice.
Or no soul anymore.
17. Claire does what all of us were thinking.
This is basically Claire’s frame of mind
18. The Tina Fey look is popular on the Island.
Actually, it is unfair of me to say that. Just because this character wears glasses and brown hair does not make her Tina Fey. My apologies, Zoey!
19. In the Alteraverse, there may not be an AlteraDriveshift.
Charlie’s brother was wearing some fancy, non-rocker clothes in that police station.
20. Miles is basically married to Sawyer.
And now they are cop divorced.
21. You can’t con a con-man, Liz Lemon
22. “God’s got nothing to do with it.”
Is this a telling clue, Lost producers?
23. Kate and Claire are cool now.
24. Widmore only employs the best, most skilled mercenaries that look like normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill folk.
25. Edward’s mom was crazy.
THIS SHIT JUST GOT OEDIPAL. Aaron is the new Fake Locke?
26. Laura Ingalls Wilder will put your vengeance in perspective.
Sorry, buddy! She is just not that into your issues.
28. “Pay no attention to this random door you just picked out!
29. Sawyer is double-crossing everybody! I bet he cannot even keep track of where he has loyalties!
I hope his sub-stealing mission goes like this.
30. AlternaKate RUNS INTO AlternaSawyer!
It’s just like that movie Crash!
QUESTIONS WE STILL HAVE
– Is submarine really the most efficient way to travel to the Island? Don’t they worry about Crimson Tide or Under Siege or Steven Seagal?
– The producers say that the Alternareality is not an alternate reality. What is it then? The real reality? Is that the implication? Is Faraday just going to be selling cars in that reality?
-Is Sayid going to brood more than the rest of the other characters combined for the rest of the show? Will he sing a song about if he only had a soul?
BONUS: Teresa’s Thoughts of the Week
“Also can’t wait for Richard’s episode! It will necessarily be substantial! Also my phone died but before it did, I was writing to make sure you caught the fact that the necklace badge converts easily to a trendy belt badge!”
DOUBLE BONUS: Javaman’s Double Entendre Concerning Lost and Air Travel Euphemisms
“Fly a crashed Boening? Oldest con in the book!”
NEXT WEEK: Richard’s episode! Finally, after six seasons, some (maybe) ANSWERS.