Say I had a TV show (a dream!). During the third season of said TV, I let things drag a little. I made some bad choices, like introducing five new characters whom I would kill within three minutes of their introduction.  Also, I would claim to have a plan for my TV show. The whole time, I claim sticking to such a plan despite any curveballs thrown in my way by reality. For example, stories about characters named, hypothetically, Mr. Keo and Lucia-Ana would reach their logical and artistic realization for no reason like both actors were charged with DUIs.  Also, characters named, again hypothetically, Wichael and Malt would start out as important pieces of this story who would just fall by the wayside because Shakespeare.

Despite all this, I would manage to produce good, mystifying episodes towards the end of the series, even though I only have nine episodes to answer crazy questions. This is the central mind-boggle about Lost. Good Ben episode, everyone! Bad way to give promised answers! HERE IS WHAT WE KNOW NOW.

1. Ben and Arzt are co-workers and used to star in a series of films about Nerds revenging things.

The Arzt thing was not a big reveal. Neither was the Locke shout out. It feels a little like we are getting somewhere because this episode wasn’t relying on “OH WOW IT IS THIS PERSON FROM THREE EPISODES OF SEASON FOUR.” so much.

2. Miles’ powers are different from Hurley’s powers.

I’m glad this was cleared up. Having two humorous guys with Osmentenesis seemed redundant, but two guys with different degrees of dead powers works better.

3. The best way to treat deicidal revelations is with nonchalance.

“Hey, no big deal, right? I mean, Miles said he went to Disney World once but it was really EURO Disney so we can’t believe him about his accusations, right?”

4. The purpose of the parallel timeline is irony and American Beauty.

I know this makes me an awful person, but when

happened, I got some Humbert Humbert vibes from Ben. Then, the weird scene about sexy things in the library! I was reading every look as if it said “Come hither!” Eventually, things became not creepy at all, but still, Lost people, don’t tease my delicate sensibilities like that.

5. Alternatime is acknowledging the Island once was a place above water where at least Ben and Papa Ben spent time.


6. The people who know things on the Island are masters of deflection.

-“Wait, what’s a candidate?”

-“I guess you will find out. . . AFTER THE CAUCUS and I finish my mango.

-“Try me.” “Not yet.”

7. Misheard dialogue is great.

– “Dude, do you trust that guy?”

– “At least he’s not Stalin.”

8. Lapidus missed his flight!


9. We saw the Black Rock. . . IN BOTH REALITIES?

Call me Mr. Alpert, I can make your black rock!

10. In the alternareality, Rousseau works two jobs.

Ben’s recommendation, I’m happy for you and I am going to let you finish, but Principal Reynolds had one of the best Yale recommendations of all time! (In the alternareality, people still make Kanye jokes like this, duh).

11. Nikki and Paolo references are the best.

Just to make sure the fans are still paying attention. Lost has got you, fans!

12. Richard Alpert gets a little too heavy about the Jacob stuff.

Wait a second, I thought this show was about an ISLAND, Rich!

13. Let’s go to the Black Rock and party with dynamite!

So, Richard’s power is that he can’t kill himself, but he can kill himself with dynamite?

14. Since Arzt is a scientist, he can definitely hack the e-mails on the state wide web.

This is common in these shows. Nerds are always hacking things.

15. Jack, taking charge, looking for answers.

You go, Jack Shephard!

This brings me to something I was thinking about. There are three types of Lost characters: characters everybody likes, characters that have mixed reviews, and Kate/ characters that are awful.

Ben seems to be moving into top category levels here. Jack’s stock is also rising. I am upgrading Richard Alpert from a sell to a do-not-buy.

16. Locke’s Drumline is at the Hydra Station, recruiting people.

Kate is probably there, being horrible. Sawyer is either dead or stuck in the cave. Is that some Plato shit, Sawyer?

17. Ben’s principal has really come a long way from his time in the Bio-Dome.

18. When Ben chooses to go against Locke, it feels like the first time this show has had a big moment in years!

Man, Ben is repping free will all the way. Redemption song! At least someone on this show seems to be getting a proper ending. Also, good An Office and a Gentleman/ Kind-of-creepy-flirting dialogue during Ben’s choice.

19. Despite the moral victory, Ben keeps his Island moves going strong by straight WERKING the principal.

20. Beach Party Reunion! Good Times! I Hope no one with a submarine shows up. . .



Seriously, did Josh Holloway have to go on jury duty or something?

-When Jacob warns of a bad person coming to the temple, could he mean WIDMORE and not Flocke/Smocke/ Edward? Or is Widmore just the person that Jacob has vaguely mentioned is  coming to the Island?

-When do we get the Nikki/Paolo alternatime?

-How can there be more Boone?

-Why didn’t the preview for next week show us anything? Do we get down to the nitty gritty?

BONUS: Teresa’s Thoughts of the Week

“Um nothing happened this episode. I have a feeling they’re going to explain everything in the last five episodes and everything till then is just gonna be filler.”

DOUBLE BONUS: Javaman’s Double Entendre concerning Lost and massages.

“Haha, well I don’t expect a happy ending.”

NEXT WEEK: A Sawyer episode. In the alternareality, Sawyer is the X-Man Gambit, duh.

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One thought on “LOST: WHAT WE KNOW NOW!6

  1. Trenti says:

    I KNEW I recognized the principal but couldn’t figure out from where. Sawyer on jury duty? Pauly Shore reference #2

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